The Love Languages
MICHELLE KAUBLE
OCTOBER 11, 2022
Love languages have become a cultural phenomenon over the years. “The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts” was written by Dr. Gary Chapman. Dr. Chapman has a doctorate in adult education and spent more than 20 years as a marriage counselor at the church where he was also a pastor. He wrote the book from his experience as a marriage counselor and a husband. At one point in his marriage, Chapman constantly told his wife how much he loved her and showered her with compliments, but she wasn’t happy. He eventually learned that while he valued receiving compliments, his wife valued acts of service more. In his words, “People have different ways of expressing and understanding love, and in order to make your partner feel loved, you simply need to speak that person’s language.”
The importance of understanding love languages is not exclusive to romantic relationships. It can be beneficial to consider them in parental, platonic, and even work relationships. You should ensure that you are aware of the other party’s love language, which will teach you how to have empathy for them and put their needs before yours when necessary. A clear understanding of how your partner expresses love increases your emotional intelligence, which helps deepen your connection and open communication.
The 5 Love Language Types
Words of Affirmation: If your partner prefers Words of Affirmation, it means they value compliments, words of appreciation, verbal encouragement, texts, and hearing that you love them.
Quality Time: If your partner prefers Quality Time, it means they value spending time, eye contact, active listening, undivided attention, and meaningful conversation.
Gifts: If your partner prefers Gifts, it means they value visual symbols of love and careful reflection during the gift-giving process.
Acts of Service: If your partner prefers Acts of Service, they value when their partner does things to make their life easier and less stressful.
Physical Touch: If your partner prefers Physical Touch, they value kissing, hand holding, sex, and cuddling.
What To Do for Each Love Language
Words of Affirmation: Send an unexpected text message, offer encouragement, say “I love you” frequently, and compliment your partner regularly
Quality Time: Share special moments with your partner, take trips, do activities together, give them your undivided attention, and carve out time just for them
Gifts: Give thoughtful gifts and random small gestures
Acts of Service: Do chores for them, take their clothes to the cleaners, put gas in their car, or any other actions that will help out and alleviate their stress
Physical Touch: Be affectionate, hug, kiss, cuddle and hold your partner regularly, ask what type of physical touch brings them emotionally closer
When 1,000 Americans were polled, 38% of the votes went to quality time, and gift-giving came in last place with only 7%. Do you and your partner know your love languages? Understanding your partner’s needs leads to a better relationship. If you are looking to improve the way you and your partner relate when it comes to expressing love, it is worth it to take the 5 Love Language quiz.
